JOSHUA HOLBROOK github : twitter

You know, I used to write. (posted 17 Dec 2016)

Used to. For instance, posts per year on this very blog:

$ ls ./_posts | cut -c1-4 | uniq -c
  11 2010
   5 2011
   3 2012
   3 2013
   1 2014

(That promises post from 2014 needs a revisit, as an aside.)

Funny enough, my day work is much closer to publishing than it was in 2010. After all, I’ve been working in digital media since 2014.. At this point, I have opinions on what a content management system should look like, and I’m starting to develop opinions on what online media could be. I like edit-side people, and part of me wants to participate.

I have this problem where when I tell myself that I should write more, I let myself get distracted by the tools. Given I have opinions in content management systems, it’s really easy to make building the infrastructure–the cms, app servers, analytics, media serving and ads integration–a prerequisite for doing work I only think I want to do. It’s almost as though I’m more comfortable writing software than I am prose!

I might still write the cms, but if I want it to matter I have to try to write again.

I suppose that in 2010 my mind was in a different place. For various reasons, I’ve become less self-assured in the innate value of my ideas, and for all the shit-talking I do on twitter I’m much more likely to think twice about posting something. At the least, I’ve taken to looking up a hard word’s definition before using it. Perhaps I’m not longer content to shit out whatever I’m thinking onto a page and calling it good enough. Though here I am, doing it anyway. I desperately need an editor.

Still, I’m a heavy user of social media, and my online dating profile is probably the longest one in New York. I do use words. I just use them in different format. I do wonder if the blog as a format has particular challenges. I don’t know that every blog needs to follow the academic essay format, and my best pieces have probably been how-tos over the years, but it certainly helps to feel like I have a point.

Maybe it’s “like a muscle,” for what that cliche is worth. Maybe, before I write a good blog post, I have to write a dozen shitty ones. This is painful to write, but maybe it’s painful in the way that trying to jog after a few years away from the gym would assuredly be.

I’ve seen a number of blogs end with “I’m going to try to write more blog posts.” I see the irony. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough for this to not be the case. We’ll see.